[00:00:06] Welcome to School: After Hours podcast where we talk about all things related to out of school time programming and education. I am your host J. Lee and I have Mr. Dorian Young here. He is a speaker and author. He also goes and works with youth programming to teach about emotional intelligence to youth and program leaders as well as educators. So with that being said, we're gonna roll off the carpet and welcome Mr. Dorian Young. Dorian Young, School per staff member, Ph.D., Jr.: Hey doing? Thank you again Miss Lee once again for just
[00:00:34] bringing me on. Again my name is Dorian Young I'm a youth empowerment speaker and I am not just a youth empowerment speaker but I'm also an author of my book called Unleashing Your Own Unique Natural Greatness. This is a book to just helping teens and young adults from age 13 to 25 to be able to just discover who they are, knowing how to handle everyday challenges from emotional intelligence to also adversity, and as well
[00:01:01] as being able to set future goals and being able to figure out how to get from where they are to the version of themselves that they want to become. I know that's right. Yes, sir. Do that. So for the people that may not know you, go ahead and give them a little bit about yourself, but also how you got involved in the space of youth development through your speaking.
[00:01:24] Yeah. Again, I'll give a little bit of a small background. Again, I come from a single parent background. My mom, and shout out to mom. And then as well, didn't really have my dad in my life. So with those things, I got married at a pretty young age. Kind of went through a little bit of
[00:01:50] turbulence there with that as well. You know, being married at 19, you know, everybody knows, you know, you're 19. So there ain't much, there ain't much, you know, about life. So you just kind of, you're just processing it, you know. But you know, we've been, we grateful and happy to say that we've been married for seven years, been together all for 11 years. So we made it past the high school sweetheart. And now we are like fine wine. As we grow, we get better. But no, just a
[00:02:20] little bit, a little bit how I started to get into the youth and with you programming. The first thing, the first thing was, is again, it started with my, started with my book. I started to see a huge gap with some of the challenges as well as being able to handle students, being able to struggling with how to handle their emotions. A lot of them, a lot of them struggled with just trying to find out who
[00:02:44] they are. Because it's easy, especially in this society, there's social media, there's parents, there's school, there's friends, there's peer pressure. All of these things are navigating them through which way or another. And it's easy to kind of just get wrapped up in someone else's identity, if that makes sense. And so what we're doing, and so what we've done, and what I realized was that,
[00:03:11] oh, would they need a foundation? And so that's where my book came in, where we started to create a foundation for the kids to be able to know that it's up to you, that you're special, that you have a gift. And it's time to allow that gift to live out loud. And with that, we've now come out with a four-week workshop as well alongside of the book. So we've been making impact with not only
[00:03:38] with the students and youth programming, but also helping teachers to, and educational leaders to kind of see how all that operates together when it comes to emotional intelligence. Right, right. So with emotional intelligence, walk us through how that is important to youth, but also it is important for adults to model while they're working with you. Go ahead and expand on
[00:04:02] that for us. Yeah. Well, the first thing is being able to be self-aware. Emotional intelligence is one of those things where I wouldn't say it's, for me, I'm not saying it's a one-size-fits-all kind of thing that it just fix everything. But I really believe this will help. Like, when you look at a student, for instance, that's having a little bit of challenges with their grades, right? Self-awareness
[00:04:29] will help them to notice where the gaps are and being able to say, hey, maybe I need after-school tutoring. Or, hey, maybe I need to see if I could talk to the counselor about maybe having a smaller class. You know, being able to make adjustments like that. And so that's one of the biggest things. But also being able to know how to properly express how they're feeling. Now, again, this doesn't mean
[00:04:54] that they need to spill their whole life out in the classroom, but just being able to navigate how to properly say that, hey, I just don't understand. And being okay with going, I'm going to say that I don't understand and not being so concerned about how everybody else thinks, how they feel about me not understanding. So with that, it's just helping, again,
[00:05:22] helping students to see that they have all of the, everything that they need is already inside of them, right? And then with the teachers and the educational leaders as well, it's helping them to remember that we are a driving force to their future. What we say to them, what we, how we help them through things, right? Being able to be empathetic with them and being able to understand
[00:05:49] that not every kid is the same, that not every student is the same. Just because I may, you know, I may act similar to a group of kids or I may, or that student may seem like, oh, they're a good kid because they sit down and they follow all of the directions. That doesn't mean that they're, they're a hundred percent okay, you know? So not treating every kid the same and not seeing every
[00:06:18] kid as the same, right? So that requires, again, self-awareness from us as leaders and educators to understand that I have to be right within myself too, so that I can see the challenges that they're, that they're going through are the things that they're facing, right? So it's twofold. It's not just the students have to be aware, but also with educational leaders being able to see how they
[00:06:46] need to navigate as well to be able to help them. So that way we're going to a common goal together, but we're willing to, we're willing to make adjustments as we go. Right. And based on your experience, what do you feel are the key components to emotional intelligence when you do your speaking and when you go ahead to youth programming educators and leaders that work with youth? Again, like the first one, again, it's like I said, self-awareness, right? We have to be able to have the ability to
[00:07:16] self-assess. You have to be able to see where the gaps are, where you are and what adjustments need to be made. The second thing is being able to understand the importance of leadership. I think that this is, and this goes for students and educators. I think that sometimes we think leadership is telling someone and directing someone in a way, but leadership, all leadership is,
[00:07:42] is learning how to serve those around you and to being able to meet the needs of those around you. And so when you're looking at leadership, we, we're not only just teaching self-awareness, but we also teach the importance of leadership because that leadership has a ripple effect, negative or positive. Um, you know, so that's another thing. And another thing as well, is this being able to understand that without a goal, without a vision, um, there isn't,
[00:08:11] there isn't any real direction on where we're going to go because a kid, you know, we can have all this talent and have all these things, right? We got the emotional intelligence. We could properly communicate, we'll properly talk about where we are, or maybe we're discovering these things, but if we have nowhere to go, then what happens is, is all the progress we made, we end up reverting back to what we know, right? And so that's where the support systems come in. That's where we have to,
[00:08:39] that's why we have to talk about friendship, right? Having the right friend groups, having the right, you know, being around the right people that align with who you are or the common goal that we're trying to get to. So those are some of the few things that we talk about to make sure, because all those things play a huge part in making sure that not only are we just helping, helping each other, being able to navigate through everything, but also going, okay, I know that I'm special and unique,
[00:09:09] but I also know where I'm going too. So now there's confidence. I'm confident in who I am, and I walk with boldness, and I walk with, like, I'm excited to get up the next day because I know exactly what it is that I'm going to do. I know, that's all right. Well, with that being said, y'all, we're going to take a real quick break, okay? We're going to pay these bills and come right back. So don't go too far. Stretch your legs, go get some water, get a snack, but don't go too
[00:09:33] far. Come right back. All right, y'all, we'll see y'all in a minute. Are you a program director or thinking of starting a program? Maybe you need new curriculum that focuses on character development or technical skills. Maybe you need help establishing effective program logistics to have an impactful program culture. Or, overall, you just need a program evaluation. Well, School After
[00:09:58] Hours Consulting is here to help. Contact us at schoolafterhours.com, and our contact information is in the show notes. Hope to hear from you soon. All right, everybody, welcome back to the show. We have Dorian Young here with us talking about his journey in emotional intelligence and talking to youth, but also touring and doing speaking engagements with educators as well as youth development
[00:10:26] professionals. And out of this experience, Dorian, you created a four-week program that is based on your book. So kind of tell us about that process and how that came about. Yeah, so after being able to kind of, once we got the book into students' and young adults' hands and allowing some teachers to see it as well, one of the things that I realized was, it's like, okay, again, I'm really big on
[00:10:54] giving them practical steps, right? Giving them real-life examples. Even though the book creates that foundation, we need to give practical steps on what does it look like. So this could have easily made something just like an hour workshop, but in just kind of give like a small summary. But I really feel that it was important to take each area and really break it down so that they can have
[00:11:24] something to look forward to, to have something to just focus on rather than just like taking a whole, like a whole big approach to it. We broke it down into sections so that they can be able to navigate each one each week. So that came about just from looking at, oh wow, okay, now we need to give some practicalities so that we can make sure they see it from their perspective and not just,
[00:11:50] not just from a book perspective and just a foundation. Like we want to give them some life lessons as well. Right. So go ahead and break down your framework for us in four weeks. Like what are you covering in those four weeks? Yeah. So the first week we're going into, we're talking about discovering their greatness, right? So we're talking about their strengths, talking about talents. We're talking about like, where did we start? Right. Because not, you know, again, everybody, you know, some,
[00:12:18] some kids are going to be different. Some kids already know what their strengths and talents are. Some may not have a clue on what we're talking about. Right. So we want to, again, like set that picture, right. We want to create that picture for them. So we go through like various activities to just kind of help them, you know, being able to kind of see that. The second week we're doing tools for growth. So this is where we really break down emotional tells. We talk about the
[00:12:44] importance of building confidence, right? We talk about how to handle adversity because let's be honest, we all, we all face it, whether we want it or we don't want it. It's there. Right. And so we want to make sure that, that we, that we equip them. Right. Again, not all need, may need that, but giving that perspective of helping them see it from different angles is what's important.
[00:13:10] And then just the biggest one is overcoming their inner critic within that week as well. Because what you say to yourself is going to affect how you operate with friends, how you operate with teachers, how you operate with everything, everything in life. Right. So third week we talk about living in their greatness. So now that we know we may have, or we have a grasp on our strengths
[00:13:39] and talents. Now I give some purpose. Now we're going to start finding ways to impact others, whether this is giving back into volunteering, you know, just learning how to motivate. If, you know, if you're an artist, you know, and you're, you're an author, how, you know, you, you know, you love, you love music. Like how can I inspire and motivate people through the things that I love. Right. And how can I, and how
[00:14:04] does that look like in the classroom? Right. If, if my strength, if my strength is music, obviously you can't use that in the classroom. You can't just be making beats in the classroom. You know, you can't know what class you could do it in instrumentally. Hold on. Wait. Yeah. Yeah. If you're in band, that's the perfect place. Right. But knowing, knowing when, when can I use it and when do I need to be able to use it? What we call a dimmer,
[00:14:31] like in depending on the situation. Um, so also talk about relationships and support systems, right. They're going to, we like, we all need them. You know, you can't just long wolf it out here. Like it's going to be a lonely, lonely road. And then, uh, the last week we're talking about sustaining the journey. So from there, um, we talk to them about daily habits, daily routines. What can we do from grad, just having a small second of just gratitude, whether it's thanking
[00:14:58] your parents, um, you know, daily deposits, you know, being able to, you know, find other things, whether it's exercise, right. We're talking about all kinds of different daily routines, um, giving them some, giving them some tips there as well as how to maintain momentum. Now, how do we, cause again, we kind of talked about this. We don't want in the next three months that we learned all
[00:15:22] this stuff and then we don't have anything to go towards. So what happens is now we go back, cause we're going to go back to what we know, right? Like we, there, there's proof in the pudding where if you don't have something to look forward to, then you go back to what it is that, you know, because that's comfortable, right? So those are, those are the four weeks. And the way that that works is, uh, we do a teaching. So we're going to start out, I'll start out with being able
[00:15:49] to present where you present the stories, present how that we's going to look, then we do the work, right? Now we allow them to take a second, to be able to see what does that look like for me? And we do small group discretions where this is now where they get a chance to do interactions. They get a chance to kind of see how other people think around them because they might find like, Oh wow. Like I didn't know you should hang out with you like that, but I didn't know you thought
[00:16:15] like me, you know? And it just, it gives them a chance to see it in real life for them. And then we do a large group discussion. Um, so where we get a chance to kind of do like a, kind of like a Q and a kind of session, but also just kind of allowing them to, to talk about what it is that they see. Right. Right. Which is good because, um, interaction is very important and having them separated to actually exercise and practice
[00:16:41] what they're learning sets them up for success when it comes to the day-to-day routine. Like these are the things that need to be set aside. And these are the things that need, that I need to do in order to, like you said, sustain this throughout time. Yeah, absolutely. So that is important. I appreciate that. Um, but also with your four, four-week program, like what do you feel or what do you want to spiral from that? Like, what do you want the build on to be from your four-week program?
[00:17:10] Um, from here, um, we want to be able to, to create a, uh, eventually to create a community, a community for, uh, young adults to be able to, again, uh, whether it's mentorship program, um, to being able to help them to have a space for themselves, right. To being able to, with structure, obviously, but being able to see that they're important, right? Like we want to,
[00:17:36] we just want to put all emphasis on that as much as we can, um, in any way that we can to let them know that, right. Whether, whether this is one day being able to allow them to being able to come in and speak and, you know, speak and share their stories, right. To be able to, being able, whatever their strengths and talents are and helping them to be able to see how do I, how do I continue to inspire the world? Because they, they just, the more that they understand that I matter and regardless
[00:18:05] of my circumstances and the, regardless of the situations, right. I smell, you may smell a little smelly today, but you know what? That's part of it. You got to embrace it. You know, you got to embrace it. Right. You might, you know, I used to, I know this sound bad. I used to be that friend was like, Hey bro, I need, I need some deodorant. Cause I'm running out the house. Cause I'm always late. I was always late for school. So I'm like, you know, again, single mom. So I'm, I had to get
[00:18:31] myself up. So I'm like, I'm like, dang, I didn't forgot to deodorant. I, you know, always had a friend that again, we talk about support systems. I had that friend that was like, Hey, I got you, bro. I'm like, Hey, you was originally you're, um, but no, just being able to, we want to be able to, uh, create more programs to being able to help them, um, to have a space for themselves. Right. And then again, giving them some type of structure outside, uh, outside of the classroom as well, that they can
[00:19:00] just actively do in their personal life as well. Based on you implementing the things that you put together for your four week program, like how have you seen the impact of your program on youth for also on adults as well? Oh man. Um, but this has been tremendous change and especially with, uh, some of the students that I work with, um, you know, I'm not going to say the name,
[00:19:23] but just one, just one kid that I knew just, man, the, the struggles that he was having was just at a place where he didn't, he was just at a, he was just on the break of committing suicide. And just like, again, he was the black sheep of his family. He didn't feel that he was important. He didn't feel that he mattered. He didn't feel, and as much as, and it was, it was a, it was an odd
[00:19:52] thing because it was much as like it on the outside, it looked like he had support. It looked like, it looked like he had support, but when you sat down and talked with him, it, you, it was for a long time. It took a while for him to just like really express because it was like, I don't know if I can trust anyone. And then came the self-sabotage. It was, uh, I'm going to sabotage
[00:20:18] this relationship because I don't know if you really, you know, and that breakthrough for him was when he realized again, that we showed him that again, I see you regardless of how you're acting, regardless of what you're saying, we see you. Right. And so that, that's just the, that's just the motto is that letting them know that we see you, you matter, you, we care for you.
[00:20:45] Um, and so that's what we want to, and that's what we continue to do to help them. And that has also increased their leadership skills, the way that they rally. Like, it's just, it's kind of cool to see when it's like, they get it, but then they actually get it and they're taking it and giving it to other, like other students. And they're like, okay, look like, you know, for instance, I was working with a Y I'm working YMCA here and, uh, here in Birmingham and the Y leaders program,
[00:21:14] they had this kid in there that was kind of considered one of the leaders there. Um, but just with him learning to understand how important his leadership was, he was able to rally people to do things that they weren't even really wanting to do. And like, oh, they don't want to, they don't want to help organize things. And he's like, and just him being able to understand this is part of it.
[00:21:38] Like, this is only going to make us better as people if we do this. And so it's just, it was just, it was just really cool to see that. Um, but as far as, as well as educators and the youth leaders as well, it's them seeing like, wow, getting a different perspective, right? Because sometimes it's hard to see the full picture when you're inside the frame, you know, when you're like, oh, I'm,
[00:22:03] I'm in the, I'm in the fire every single day and I'm having to write, you're having to do so many things. There's so many things you're balancing that sometimes you're like, wow, being able to see the importance of just like stopping. And instead of just like the daily, all the daily tasks and all the things you got to get done, you got to tell this kid to go here and just sometimes stopping and saying, Hey, I'm proud of you. Hey, I just want to let you know. I did see that. I saw you.
[00:22:31] Cause we're good at saying, Hey, I saw you acting up with, you know, but being able to say, Hey, I just want to say, I saw you go over there and talk to, you know, such and such. And I just want to say, Hey, I see that. I'm very proud of you. And that you never, you just don't know what that does for them on the inside. Right. So, um, so those are some things that we've just seen now and that we're continuing to see, um, with educators as well.
[00:22:57] Nice. Nice. Well, thank you for sharing all that great information with the Dorian and, uh, for all the information, as far as getting his book, also learning more about his four week program, I'll go ahead and put that in the show notes for you. But before we get out and dismiss like the bill at school, let's go ahead and jump into our professionals lounge. Hello, wonderful people. We have made it to the end of our show, our professionals lounge section.
[00:23:26] So Dorian, my question for you for professionals lounge is how can managers and leaders practice emotional intelligence with their staff as well as their students? That is a very good question. Um, I really, I really want to say this, um, first things first, especially as leaders, right? We have to lead by example. And I, and I would say this, and I say
[00:23:54] this sometimes as well, when I'm talking to teachers is that, man, you do so much, right? You, you have so much on your plate. You have so much that you're operating through and you're trying to, you, you got deadlines, you know, again, we have, we have a certain flow that has to happen throughout the year. There's budgets, there's, you know, meetings, there's conversations, there's just all
[00:24:18] kinds of things. Right. And sometimes it can be, it can feel very overwhelming. Right. And we, especially as leaders, we don't want to, we don't want to be like the one to say, Hey, I'm a little overwhelmed right now. You know, we don't want to say that. Why? Because we feel like if we say that, then it's like, it's like a, you know, an episode, I don't know if people see this, but an episode of SpongeBob when SpongeBob forgot his name. And like, there was a bunch of SpongeBob
[00:24:45] running around like, Oh my God, what's his name? What's his name? I don't know. Do you got anything on his name? Because that's, and that's kind of how we are as leaders. So I want to say this, man, that you matter. You know, first off is understanding that as leaders, we have to be okay with saying sometimes I just, I, Hey, I don't, I don't have the capacity for that. Or sometimes also being able to say, Hey, I think you're better at that than me. I would love if you can take care of that.
[00:25:14] Right. Empower your, like empower your staff, empower them instead of just making the meeting about 30 minutes of just like, we got to get this and get that. And, you know, being able to take a moment and say, first off, can I just say, thank you guys for being here, being able to create, you know, create a gratitude environment, right? We want to create a culture of being able to just look at each other. Right. And say, you know what? I may not like Johnny over there, but you know what,
[00:25:44] when I come in here, I like him even more. Why? Because it's a culture, right? So we want to create a culture of being able to just understand that it's you matter, right? All of us matter. But again, those things, self-awareness, right? We got to be able to see where the gaps are. We have to be able to see what we need to change. And then as well, as well, when we're, when they're working with the students to, again, remember the kids want to feel like they're seen
[00:26:12] and heard and not just a number in your classroom. And that can be very hard to do, especially if you are a person that is kind of like very like structured and detailed, where it's the same thing. That can be hard to really kind of muster up that energy to connect with your kids. You know, hey, I mean, you never know if, you know, five minutes, you never know just five minutes of just
[00:26:39] being able to connect with them, like in the middle class or at the end of class, man, it goes a long way. Like, man, like Ms. Johnson allowed us to, you know, allowed us to talk a little bit or she talked with us for a little bit. And it wasn't just about schoolwork, right? So we can just learn again that it takes time, right? This is not going to happen. You know, you don't, we don't figure out all these things overnight. But I really want to just leave with that emphasis that you matter.
[00:27:06] And I'm proud of you for the work that you do and continue to keep growing, continue to, you know, being kind to yourself, because that's the most important thing to helping you grow in that area. I appreciate it. It's like, oh, speak to my spirit. Yes. You know, it means, you know, it's, it's important. It's important, man. Like the, what we say to ourselves as people, and it's not just for leaders, it's your, as a teacher, what you say throughout to
[00:27:36] yourself throughout the day is going to affect the next three classes you got. And you don't realize it. And you know, you're thinking that everything is good, but really you're coming off a snappy and maybe didn't mean to be, but you just needed that second, right? Sometimes you need that second to just say, it's going to be one of those days. Acknowledge that, hey, okay, I'm feeling a little stressed out. That's okay. I'm acknowledge it. I'm not going to try to figure out and like,
[00:28:02] why am I stressing on? Nope. Hey, I see you over there. I hear you. I understand. We got to continue, you know, we'll, we acknowledge you. We hear you. We see you. We feel you. And then we, we go on. Right. Right. You got to keep it moving, but I do feel it all. And that's okay. And it's okay to feel it all. It's absolutely 100%. Okay. You are not, you're, we were not created as humans to be stoic. We were not, you know, of course there are times, right? If a, if a house is
[00:28:31] on fire, you want a firefighter to come out here and I want him to say, move. Right. I don't want him to just be, you know, right. But we have to learn to understand that we are human beings, right? We're a human race. And we just, we all have feelings. You have feelings. Right. And I know that's probably not answering the question, but I just really want to leave emphasis on that as, as people, as humans, because we, man, you mean so much to these kids. Some of these kids are going to
[00:29:00] be kids that are going to impact the world. Right. But we can literally alter that thought process, maybe 10 years, five years, 13 years of them before they finally ever find that again, just because of that one word that we said to them, you know, so really, really want to put emphasis on that you matter. You are important. Don't run from your feelings. It's okay to acknowledge them. And when the time is right, you can address them with who you need to address them with.
[00:29:30] But don't, but don't walk around yourself. Not just about the kids, but don't, don't walk around knowing that you're hurting and you're ignoring everything inside. With that being said, if the people want to get in touch with you, you know, book you for speaking engagements or learn a little bit more about your four week program and your book so they can implement it, how will they get in touch with you?
[00:29:53] Yeah. So, um, the first thing is that you could go to my website, www.dorianyoung.org. Um, you can also reach out to me in my email, uh, dorianyoungspeaks at gmail.com. Uh, you can also follow me on Instagram, uh, dorian.j.young. And then my Facebook as well, uh, Dorian Young. Um, those are all the platforms. I'm pretty active, especially, especially within the, uh, within the content space with, you know, just being able to continue to give
[00:30:23] more information. And, um, but if I would love, if there's someone that is, that's interested, are you want to know more information? Uh, the fastest way as well is email. I'm checking my email on a daily basis. Um, if you want to put in a phone call, I'm happy to talk and, uh, and just being able to see how we can serve, uh, your students or serve your staff in any way capacity that we can. Well, everyone, that brings us to the end of our show. If you like what you heard and you enjoyed
[00:30:52] our conversation, make sure that you're following us on YouTube, but also hit that like button so we know what you are enjoying. You can also find us on other podcast platforms like Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Google Podcasts if you want to listen to our audio version as well. To get more behind the scenes stuff, make sure that you're following us on our social media accounts, Instagram and
[00:31:15] Facebook at School After Hours. Well, that's all I have for today. In the words of Mr. Arthur Ashe, start where you are, use what you have, do what you can. Until next time, y'all. Bye-bye.